I had an epiphany today. Feelings are all a matter of perception. Your feeling are entirely base don’t he way you perceive things. Say I’m having a conversation with someone. They say something specifically to convey a certain point but you hear something else and therefore perceive something else. Case in point: I once knew a girl named Katherine. We were loose acquaintances. One day we were having a conversation about past relationships and discovered that at one point in time, we had dated the same guy. The conversation moved to his new girlfriend and we were talking about how awful she was. I said very casually, “I love John but sometimes he has awful taste in women”.  I didn’t think much of this comment because on my part there was no malicious intent. But she heard an insult. The girl literally began to cry at the table. I had no intentions to hurt her. If there was any insult to be made, I would have backhandedly included myself. That was not my goal. Perception. Can you imagine how many people have been hurt and acted out based on something they perceive. How many crimes of passion have been committed at the assumption of nothing?  For the obsessive, perceptions can rule you. You become compulsive in the face of something you feel you can’t control. Think of all the women around this world right now, twiddling their thumbs, waiting for some guy to call them—thinking that there is something they have done wrong. That same guy could be in the hospital, or dead, or in trouble, or really pre-occupied with something more important. That woman’s perception makes her crazy. Our tainted opinions and misconceptions make us sitting ducks to paranoia and hurt feelings.

Today’s Task: Let go of perceptions. There are so many mistakes we make when we act on perceptions. When you assume you make and ass out of you. I don’t know why people add and me, cause really; you’re the only one with egg on your face. It becomes really liberating when you no longer allow people’s actions to dictate your feelings. I’m not saying that someone’s blatant disrespect should affect you, but there lack of reaction to a situation shouldn’t send you spiraling out of control. Understand that not everything is about you. Grasping that concept will make your life a lot easier and a lot less stressful.

For some reason I have been thinking about Machiavelli today. You know, there’s that whole section in The Prince where he is discussing whether a ruler should be feared or loved. It’s really a valid question.  Is it better to have people be afraid of you or to have people love you? Which is more likely to inspire loyalty? Which is going to keep people near to you? Fear or love? I’d never really thought much about the subject until today. I can see where the man was coming from on the subject of fear. To the emotionally stunted and immature it makes sense that fear would be the way. These are the people who equate fear with respect. These are the people who live by the kill or be killed philosophy—the people who believe that if they aren’t respected through fear, they have nothing. If only they knew love was the ultimate respect. It may seem like love is easy to take advantage of. But think about it. If you were a king, would you take the fear approach or the love approach? If you were feared, it may be more likely that you would end up without a throne or a kingdom to rule. Who doesn’t want to uproot a corrupt and dictatorial leader? Fear only works as a tactic but for so long. A leader who is loved is cherished and valued. If anyone were to attempt an insurrection or assassination it’s more likely that the people would rise up to protect their leader; Or, if that fails, to avenge the leaders untimely demise.  Who would do that for someone they feared? It’s not to say that you can’t rule with a firm hand and still be loved. There is a place to be level. I guess it all depends on emotional maturity and what kind of legacy you want to leave.

Today’s Task: Inspire love in someone. It would suck to find that your behavior caused you to go through life hated. No one wants to be hated or avoided. People pretend like they want to be but that is simply to avoid being vulnerable and rejected.  There is no sense in being a curmudgeon. It benefits no one, lease of all you. To be loved is much greater than to attempt to earn respect any other way. I want to leave a legacy of love.

 Has there been someone that has blown you away? Someone in your life who truly astounds you? I know someone like that—a remarkable someone who continuously amazes me with his progress. We were just kids when we met each other and our relationship was a times tumultuous (to say the least) but we have been blessed enough to know each other for a decade.  A lot can happen in a decade. Massive change can happen in a decade. When we first met and became friends, I had this vision for the person that he was and the person that he would become.  I tried not to project too much of that on him; however, being the naive and transparent girl that I was, the task became virtually impossible. I did project and I let him know at every turn we took.  For a long time we lost contact with each other. But I still had faith in him: faith in his intelligence and faith in his spirit. I caught up with my friend recently and I have to say that the experience was entirely pleasant. He has turned into absolutely everything that I ever thought he could be. He is strong and focused and wise. Although we struggled through some rough patches, we have come up on top. The thing that has helped is that I never gave up on him. I never stopped believing in him. Though there are gaps in our decade of acquaintance, they are necessary gaps. They are gaps of growth for both of us.

Today’s Task: Never give up on the people you care for. In this day and age we are so often encouraged to give up on relationships.  When people become useless or don’t live up to our expectations, we are just supposed to walk away. Now I’m not saying that there aren’t times when we should cut our losses, nor am I saying that we should all be nudges and pushers. But there are times that we should stand for people we believe in. How can people grow if we don’t’ give them the chance to be who they can be.  It’s so easy to give up. But God hasn’t given up on me and I don’t think I can give up on anyone else.

Do you ever think of Sacagawea?  Think about her expedition with two random men (Lewis and Clark). She was just trying to get them to their destination at the Missouri River and she became someone who will forever be ingrained in history. But why did she do it? And what was her side of the story?  I mean really think about it.  Lewis and Clark are trying to find a way to the Missouri River and she already knows how to get there, which means her people already knew how to get there. Then why are these two men credited with the discovery? Yes, she is acknowledged but they get the credit. Is that really fair? And think of Marie Antoinette. That poor woman is quoted as saying something that she never said.  What kind of monarch would say “let them eat cake” in reference to the impoverished of her country? Certainly she wouldn’t but the media outlets and the gossip rags of her day assert that she did. A gossip column helped to bring about a revolution. What would have happened if she were allowed to explain things from her perspective?  They say that history is written by the winners and that is absolutely true. Sacagawea wasn’t a winner. Not really. Neither was the Dauphine of France. Their lives were radically changed by the words and protestations of others. Makes you really think about what is said of you—what will leave a lasting impression about who you were. Is it acceptable to have someone dictate how you will be remembered?

Today’s task: Write your own history. Don’t give anyone the opportunity to tell your story.  Journal. Write. Scribble. Let people know who you were in your own words and actions. No one will ever be able to speak of you as well as you can.  Words, statements and feelings in this life can be misconstrued when taken out of context. Contextualize you and leave your own lasting impression. It’s worth it.