I had an interesting conversation with an ex boyfriend today.  This was a man that I loved very deeply; a man that I would have married if he asked sincerely (he did ask once jokingly). We have not been speaking at all because he has treated me miserably.  I couldn’t understand for the life of me why someone who claimed to love me would treat me with such disdain.  It occurred to me that guilt might be part of the reason but I wasn’t really sure.  After suffering months of pain and heartache, I finally decided to ask the question that I had been avoiding.  Today I asked him if he ever really loved me. Plain. Simple. To the point.  Did you ever love me? He paused before answering. Then he simply said, “At the time I thought I did. But looking back, if I really did, I never would have treated you that way”. It was something that I had long suspected.  But now it was tangible, hanging in the air. No. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to feel enraged and crushed and broken. But I wasn’t. None of those feelings came.  And it wasn’t because I didn’t love him with everything I had. I was because I asked the question.  I wouldn’t have asked it if I couldn’t deal with the answer.  And now I’m not confused.  I can close that “tragic” chapter of my life. All because I asked and dared to hear the truth.  

Today’s Task: Don’t be afraid to ask that burning question and don’t ask it unless you can handle the answer.  No closure has ever come without an answer. Maybe I’ll never understand why I was the target of his faux love. Maybe I’ll never know why I wasn’t enough. But at least the “no” can offer some peace of mind. That peace that I thought I gave him. I’m happy that I asked the question. Maybe you will be too.