What is it with these programmed responses? People lie unconsciously all the time because the majority of the time, they are using a programmed response.  Someone asks, “How are you doing?” and unconsciously we answer, “Well. And yourself?” Why do we do that? Half of the time we give this response, we aren’t well at all. Today, for the first time, I heard someone tell the truth. When asked how he was, he responded, “fabulous”. Then the man paused. He said, “Actually, I’m probably far from fabulous. In fact I’m not fabulous at all. I don’t know why I said I was”. This bare moment of honesty was an inspiration to me. It took a lot for that man to tell the truth, mostly because he hadn’t even realized that he’d lied. We are all in a constant state of perjury. We lie out of habit, courtesy, and decorum. I say now is the time to break the curse. Cease to lie, people.  Cease to lie. We must end this cycle of niceties and proper responses.

Today’s Task:  Cut the crap! The next time someone asks you how you are doing, have the courage to tell the truth. Say what you really feel. If you are not great, share it. It might put a bit of a damper on the day (to know everything in the world ain’t so peachy), but at least you can make it through the rest of the day with the knowledge that you were completely honest with someone. Let’s all make the sincere effort to NOT lie to our fellow man. Be open and honest with your brother. Have the courage to say, “TODAY SUCKS”!

I wrote a poem recently entitled Tarnished.  It is about silver jewelry.  I know, I know, a woman writing a poem about jewelry—typical. But it’s not about what we see. It’s about what’s underneath the surface. As silver jewelry begins to wear with time, it changes in color. Oxygen can cause its properties to change. It becomes tarnished.  But oxidized jewelry seems to increase in value. It’s just as beautiful as normal silver, but its surface seems to tell a story. The piece is not longer just something pretty to look at. There is history behind the beauty and the beauty is still very apparent to everyone who sees it.  A lot of people are like tarnished, oxidized silver.  They are a little weathered, a little worse for the wear, but still beautiful.  Our life experiences make up our tarnish: a broken heart here, a death of a loved one there—scars that we build up over time which form the canvas of our stories.  To someone, our tarnish (story) is beautiful. There is no shame in having a history.  It’s what makes each of us uniquely beautiful.

Today’s Task: Wear your battle scars proudly.  You wouldn’t be the complete work that you are if not for a little living.  The master collector loves pieces with a background and we are all beautiful in his sight.  Your tarnish makes you worth acquiring.

Yesterday I had a breakdown.  I was extremely sick and felt completely out of control of my body.  I know now that I could never be a fall down drunk—I hate not having control of my faculties, let alone my entire body.  As I began to shut down, I panicked.  The sicker I felt, the deeper I sank into the feeling of no control. I could feel myself getting dizzier and I was nearly at the point of passing out. I could hear my body saying this is it; you’re losing it (mind you that this was all brought on by a severe wave of nausea). It occurred to me after a little bathroom time and a little thought, that there was more to my sinking feeling than the physical illness.  I have always been a person that when I’m sick, I’m really sick.  Now I know why.  My body went in to shut down mode because it was tired and stressed.  A lot of people rely on me. They use me for advice and support and guidance. Normally, I’m able to take everyones problems in stride and be my best advising self. Yesterday, it was as if there was a stone wall of issues coming to crush me.  Before 10 a.m., I had received three disturbing phone calls from people who had problems much bigger than I could assist with.  I was overwhelmed and the sickness didn’t help.  My body and mind went into shut down mode—rendering me useless to everyone.

Today’s Task: Know when to say when.  Your body will tell you when it’s time to take a break. Listen to it.  If you don’t, you may teeter near the u of a breakdown.  It is okay to offer your time, your ears, your heart, and your expertise to the people you care for. But if you don’t take time to recharge your battery, all of you efforts will be and vain because no one can take advise from a person who’s passed out on the floor.

Self-Revelation.  It’s so often touted as this really great thing—to have an awareness of oneself.  I don’t get it.  So I’m supposed to be enthused when I recognize something in myself?  Like this somehow is a great mark of refinement and evolution.  Not so.  After getting dressed this morning, I looked at myself with disappointment. Self revelatory moment number one: I thought I looked fat. I went to ask my father in hopes that he would assuage my feelings of inadequacy.  Instead, he said, “oh, it’s probably just your shirt.  It looks a little tight on you but you’re not fat”.  This is the answer that he’s supposed to give, right? Right.  But it didn’t make me feel any better because, self revelatory moment number two: I was asking the “Am I fat” question.  This is the question that I mocked so many other women for asking.  It occurred to me that I was becoming one of them—another silly woman.  Not a good feeling.  In fact, it further increased my feeling of inadequacy.  Self-Revelation. Ha! What a load of garbage.  Do you know what I’ve discovered about self revelation? After we have these “aha” moments, we are supposed to do something in reaction.  We are expected to change.  But when I have these moments, I don’t. Like recently, when I realized that I keep a lot of secrets.  Good friends tell other friends what they are going through, when they are going through it.  I don’t. I like to figure things out for myself.  The only time I ever mention a private matter to a friend is when I’m sure that the situation is nearly at its close.  That’s not very friendly.  I wait to get an opinion when I know that there is nothing else to be done, you know, as a stop gap measure.  What kind of a person does that? Especially when so many of my friends come to me for good advice.  I recognize this in myself and yet, do I change?  NEVER! I persist in keeping secrets. That’s not very evolved of me. See, this self-revelation junk just makes me depressed.

Today’s Task: Try to use the act of self-revelation for its purpose: a means to change.  When you see something in yourself that you don’t like, work on it instead of using it as a crutch. Can you imagine if everyone in the world did that after every moment of self-revelation?  We’d all be much better off because we’d be constantly evolving toward something greater—civil and decent humanity. I like that idea a little better than wallowing in my own sense of shame at being stagnant as a person. 

How many people are there in your life that you know?  I mean people that you interact with on a daily basis. You share space with them, you share moments of your life with them, you know them, right? Wrong.  There are so many people that we spend countless hours with that we never truly know.  It’s mostly because we don’t talk past the surface and we don’t ask questions.  These days it’s almost taboo to be interested in someone other than yourself.  Yesterday, in an attempt to get to know some of the people in my life, I began sharing stories with my co-workers. I found that in my current employment, there are a lot of people that are living half lives of unfulfilled dreams.  So many stories of thwarted loves and almost successes have begun to line my days. These are the topics that fill my ears unto the point of overflow.  I am naturally a very encouraging person so there is only so much negativity that I can take before I decide to start opening my big fat mouth.  In this very layered convo, I found out that one of my co-workers was on her way to a very promising career as a model and visual artist.  She had a lot of great connections, a portfolio and an opportunity in Hawaii but she gave it all up for the love of her life.  Her choice was what was best for her and I admire her ability to commit (something that I frequently lack). Yet there was something in her voice that said, “I miss that part of myself”. Ever the encourager, I suggested that she give being an artist another go if only on the weekends.  I will never know if she took that suggestion to heart, but it was definitely something for her to think about. 

Today’s Task: If you have a dusty dream on the shelf, a dream that really means something to you, go for it.  It’s never too late to start again because there is always a tomorrow.  A dream deferred isn’t necessarily is a dream denied. It’s just a dream delayed.  I’m going after my dreams and I’m going to grab them with both hands.  I hope you will consider doing the same.  

I had an interesting conversation with an ex boyfriend today.  This was a man that I loved very deeply; a man that I would have married if he asked sincerely (he did ask once jokingly). We have not been speaking at all because he has treated me miserably.  I couldn’t understand for the life of me why someone who claimed to love me would treat me with such disdain.  It occurred to me that guilt might be part of the reason but I wasn’t really sure.  After suffering months of pain and heartache, I finally decided to ask the question that I had been avoiding.  Today I asked him if he ever really loved me. Plain. Simple. To the point.  Did you ever love me? He paused before answering. Then he simply said, “At the time I thought I did. But looking back, if I really did, I never would have treated you that way”. It was something that I had long suspected.  But now it was tangible, hanging in the air. No. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to feel enraged and crushed and broken. But I wasn’t. None of those feelings came.  And it wasn’t because I didn’t love him with everything I had. I was because I asked the question.  I wouldn’t have asked it if I couldn’t deal with the answer.  And now I’m not confused.  I can close that “tragic” chapter of my life. All because I asked and dared to hear the truth.  

Today’s Task: Don’t be afraid to ask that burning question and don’t ask it unless you can handle the answer.  No closure has ever come without an answer. Maybe I’ll never understand why I was the target of his faux love. Maybe I’ll never know why I wasn’t enough. But at least the “no” can offer some peace of mind. That peace that I thought I gave him. I’m happy that I asked the question. Maybe you will be too.

So, I work at a mall. There is always something interesting to be seen at a mall. There are people picking their noses, people dragging their bratty children in and out of stores, people attempting to shoplift, you know, normal Americans. What I usually find very entertaining is becoming increasingly more pathetic. I’ve found that my people watching has is beginning to take on a very cynical tone. I watch the people in my immediate area gel into a mass group of mediocrity. There are the mall walkers—who in their geriatric state look as though they are on death’s door. Then there are the hood rats, that walk around the mall in their sweats and doobie wraps. These girls are always on a mission to get gigged up for some party where they can snag some random guy who drives a sooped up Honda. Then there are the stroller moms, some of whom literally roll out of bed and to the mall in their pajamas to spend all of their husband’s hard earned money. This ever evolving tapestry of people converges at a shopping center, WHERE THEY BUY NOTHING! I watched a woman today standing all hunched over and concave outside of my store for a full five minutes—unmoving. As she stood there, I became aggravated and frustrated. I couldn’t figure out why this freak of nature was loitering in my space. Then it occurred to me that she could be having a crisis of the heart, as I stood in judgment criticizing her. I found that I was taking out my frustrations with the lack of store traffic out on someone who had nothing to do with my life. In this very difficult time, we all seem to be on a mission to demonize and criticize people who have done us no wrong. It’s a way to deal with the unrest that we feel within ourselves. We do it to waiters in restaurants, to the customer service reps at banks that abuse our pockets, to the President, and even to our family and friends. These people aren’t to blame for our issues but we are always looking for someone to blame. But is that what we really want to do to our fellow man?

Today’s Task: Strive to be kinder to your fellow man. Try to remember that there is no one to blame when life get’s difficult and to take it out on someone else is just a cop out and a shame. A little smile and a little kindness go a long way. Think before you speak and speak from the heart. It could make this time of trial a little easier for us all.